Six months passed and I’m back at work. Yep. Retraining my “goo goo ga ga brain” into “business cat” mode. First day was a killer – all stress and guilt – will my mum cope with Ghaya or is she packing her bag right now. Am I a shit mother that I leave my baby for long hours, will I manage at work, will I deliver? All that whirling like in a broken thumping overloaded washing machine. Turns out Ghaya is absolutely fine, first day at work was a novelty to me (had to read to myself aloud to understand and process and it felt funny to have a luxury of being able to focus on anything for more than an hour AN HOUR!!!! without any disruptions), my mum survives and I can still breastfeed Ghaya as soon as I’m coming back. Small successes. Small steps.