Last Night – Rather Far From Awesome

Every baby is different they say. The second one is easier – they say. It’s easier with Ghaya – I say – perhaps because I’m used to sleepless nights.

All true.

But when your baby suddenly decides to suck your boob 6 hours straight at night. It still hurts you know, the boob, when they feed, you know… but you can put on a brave face and suffer through for the immense love that’s inside you…

NOT FOR SIX HOURS STRAIGHT WHEN YOU TRY TO SLEEP IN A SITTING POSITION WITH YOUR UNPROPPED ARMS HOLDING 4KG.

The first two hours you are so happy to see your baby eat. In the third hour you try to put yo baby down for just 15 minutes so you could have a rest, maybe a short nap with God’s help. Only to be treated with the deafening scream so powerful that if you were made of glass that’s it – you would become a million pieces in the first nanosecond of the resonating sound.

In the fourth hour you beg your husband to take the baby with him to the furthest room from your bedroom and just for reference you check your breast which from cup size D turned into “whatever three sizes below flat” there is. Then you cover your ears with the pillow (because the shrieking hunger cry does not stop) and keep repeating: “but I’m pretty sure I ran out of milk! I don’t have milk anymore”.

In the fifth hour you start crying hysterically only to start wondering if you are really upset because the bloody tears are not coming out of your eyes. You then realise you’re bloody dehydrated from all the sucking. With your baby still stuck to your nipple you start feeling so dry that half a litre of water passed by your husband and drank with one gulp still does not help producing saliva and you’re pretty sure your brain shrank to the size of a resin because the 90% of water they keep saying we are made off is gone. GONE! Forever! Next thing – you’re trying to check your nipples if by any chance blood is not pouring out of them. Your baby-turned-vampire has now definitely moved on to your veins for the supply of any liquid.

Then you fall asleep and wake up only twice more for relaxing shorter feeds.

7am – you wake up, although you’re not sure if it’s still you. You’re on your own now. You and the zombie

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What I Didn’t Share with the World

I kept my pregnancy under the bonnet again. And only because I was so scared that if I share the news and something goes wrong facing the world will be unbearable. I know because I’ve been there already. I don’t believe in being optimistic anymore. Realistic is the way forward. “Prepare for as many options as you can. The good and the bad ones” 

 Another reason why I was quiet was because  pregnancy made me. It literally did. For the last few months I was a vegetation basket pulled to the ground with the strength of  approx 5G. My brain was mushy and I did not feel myself at all – physically, emotionally, mentally.

But now, here she is. And we are a family of 5 (including our Bastian of course).

Milestone – 4 Steps

So just quickly before my British Fashion Awards preparations start and yes, they are very important to me and no, not as much as my family but yes, very!

My baby, my 9.5 months-old baby made her first steps today at 11:56. There were four of them and Arya landed right in my arms. I guess it’s like a bicycle ride – you first learn to ride but braking is lesson two. 

Her perseverance and stubbornness paid. 

See, mum being stubborn is good!

First Aid Course

  It’s been almost 10 months and only yesterday I attended a First Aid course. Thankfully, Arya has been protected by some energy and apart from a few falls on her bum and bumps on the head she has been all right. Nevertheless, the course was a must and I managed to organise one with Daisy First Aid trainer at the house of one our Meetup mums. 

As it was Sunday, I preferred Arya to spend time with Sanj while I devote my whole learning ability to the training. Otherwise I would have probably ended up running around with Arya instead of cracking imaginary ribs of the dummies. It’s always the case – all other babies sit still or sleep and mine is all over the place. You name the most bizarre and the least obtainable place – Arya has already been there. Yes, I’m exaggerating (slightly) but you know what I’m trying to say.

I won’t lie – a few scenarios raised my pulse to such a rate that I thought they would be practicing resuscitation on me. I made it though and I feel so much more confident. This is the only course in my life that I wish I will never have to refer to. NEVER!

So my Sunday was a bit gloomy but beneficial gloomy, I could say. Right after that I rushed for my spray tan appointment because (whoop whoop) a big evening is coming in a few hours – The British Fashion Awards.

Good Girl

 
Just as I’m allergic to colour labelling babies, the very common and so rooted generations feedback of “good girl”or “naughty girl” is also a “no no ” in my family. To me – it’s also negative branding that can result in long lasting harm.

Although Arya is still a baby and probably not understanding the difference, we use (Sanj tries, cause linguistic nuances are his Achilles heel) “well done” instead of “good girl” and I refuse to call any baby or child “naughty”.

Just because a baby cries, has a tantrum or pulls the tablecloth off the table he is far from misbehaving and every person who reads a bit on psychology knows that. The first two are the results of frustration or pain. The latter one – parent’s negligence. When a child “ACTS” naughtily this is a representation of a glitch in parenting, lack of communication between the child and parents, child’s confusion about parents/society expectations. Because what does it mean “naughty”? We very often use it too causally towards our children or others but what we consider “naughty” is not necessarily seen “naughty” by society and vice versa. Moreover, probably we do mean: “you act naughtily” and it’s just a semantic shortcut. I’ve heard “You’re such a naughty boy/girl” far too many times. In my eyes, the comment: “You are being naughty” causes much less harm than “You are naughty” as it refers to a current moment rather than a trait of a child. Although I’m not a biggest fan of this phrase either as every statement with “You ARE” is still assigning an attribute with a adjective that follows. I know it seems petty and while reading this post you feel like you were somehow redirected to some blog on linguistics but no, I have always understood the power of words (and how much I myself have to learn in this department from the application point of view). Having studied communication and information management, children psychology and teaching methodology and having experience as a teacher, nanny and now a mother, and, let’s not diminish the role of this – having been a child myself, I have observed and studied a huge impact of words on the behaviour of a human. No, I don’t consider myself an authority in any shape and form – I’m far from that. What I’m trying to say is that throughout years my hobby sort of interest has been focused on the correlation between communication and language on people’s behaviour and I shaped my opinions based on my various observations. I’ve noticed (among my family circles as well as my ex students of different ages) that the more the child heard “You are so naughty” the more he/she was engrossed in this label. Because think how hard it is for all of us to suddenly start acting differently when we already have an opinion coined about us. How hard it is for us to apply for a job in a completely different field than the one we’ve been in for years? No one is interested in the fact that you have a certain set of skills that you were mustering outside your job – the social perception is that if you have been an accountant for 10 years you probably are only good at that and that one thing only.

When one hears “YOU ARE NAUGHTY” repeatedly – most likely they will develop one of the two extreme patterns:

they will accept it and will expect it so if they are doing something wrong they are not disappointing anyone. They might wish to change it but don’t know how so they give up and continue “doing naughty things”.

Or they will persistently try to “be a good boy/girl”, by excelling in everything or trying to excel in everything and never be happy about the result. In the most extreme cases – this will understandably cause frustration, self-depreciation and constant dissatisfaction with ones life.

Both of these routes, however, will stem from one very same belief: “I AM NAUGHTY HENCE…”.

It’s a bit more complicated and a topic for a book but I hope this post gives at least some idea. Of course – this is only my point of view, which I admit, I imposed on San-Jay in regards to bringing our daughter. I want to stick to it and verbally reward or criticise the ACTION (explaining the reason) rather than tell Arya what SHE IS or what SHE ISN’T. Therefore she won’t hear from us: “good girl” or “naughty girl”.

I would love to hear your opinions and comments on this.

I’m Still Weaning

It’s been day 6 of my weaning and I’m still on. It hasn’t been easy, I must say. Seeing Arya crying is never easy and knowing that just one move, one gulp of breast milk would put her to sleep and refusing to do this is quite a persistence test. The boob is now replaced by singing (who would have thought that there will be someone who will enjoy my vocal skills, which are none) and Arya does fall asleep relatively quickly – it’s such a different experience and I do miss the breast feeding as much as I used to a few months back (again – who would have thought) but I guess what makes me miss it is the fact that I’m realising she’s growing up.

My Arya Sofia skipped a breast meal and now from Wednesday she will be on “-2” diet.

I’m starting to think of this whole process of changes is harder for parents than for babies. Is it?