Is it normal to be annoyed with your husbands so much that the punishment ideas just queue in your head. And not because or when your period is coming.
My mother used to put laxatives in his dinner the next day he came home too late (and basically had more fun out than her in stuck, with two hormonal teenage girls).
I literally had to use all my self-control powers today to not wipe my husband’s mug with Arya’s soiled wipe. And not for any particular reason. Basically for the whole 10 years of annoyance.
I’m a horrible wife but I promised nothing.
For 12 years I’ve been with Sanj, he’s never (NEVER!!!) contributed to the interior design of our humble abodes. And it was good. I think I have done a pretty decent job decorating our house (as a temporary abode) although there’s still canvas left for creativity hear and there.
And now the balance got disturbed as Sanj got bored during working hours. For a few weeks now we have been delaying the purchase of adhesive Velcro for the coasters to hang on my wall (for various reasons… because there are always more important things in life than ordering an alternative to a nail) but the idea of how I want to hang these coasters with poirtraits by Trechikoff has been there since I got them as a gift from South Africa.
Once I see something I know how I want it to be styled. I am terrible at making from scratch but when you give me a piece I can compose it into a whole. That’s my gift. Oh and don’t forget about symmetry. That’s the essence of my philosophy just like balance.
And there, I’m coming home after a long week at work and what I see? Velcro stuck to the wall in the most random places of the wall.
The speech started: “The whole life Sanj hasn’t make any decisions about what should be where in our house and when the moment comes it’s irreversible unless you strip the whole wallpaper off”.
He tried. He really tried to take these bloody stickers off but they were coming off even with the third layer of paint from the post-war time.
So now I ended up with this symmetry-less decor which looks like fridge magnets which some globetrekker brought from the gap year around the world.
It will haunt me forever!
Sanj questioning the choice of sportswear of a dude on TV:
– I would be embarrassed to walk like this in the public
Me: “Well, you did wear a jumper with a hole on your elbow to work”.
Sanj: “Errr, I had to wear that jumper that day because I didn’t have anything else to wear and I did ask my colleagues to walk in front of me so that no one sees the hole”.
In a furniture store, Sanj sees this:
– what’s this? Oh it’s a safe…
Hey, you should have it and keep your phone in it so you won’t be like: “Where’s my phone”.
Silence. Sanj thinking. And then comes:
– oh no, it won’t work because if you get it you will then say: “San-Jay where is the box where I keep my phone”.
Sanj she is playing “Sisters of the Sun” from It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia.
Me: What is this song about?
Sanj: It’s just a made-up song.
This is just a tiny example of how my conversations with Sanj look like.
Sanj trying on his new gym clothes (he’s starting his regime this month): “You can’t look like an idiot in a gym, you know. That’s like number one faux pax”.
After approximately 30 seconds I can hear Sanj speaking to himself while taking of the trousers he just put on: “I guess it would help if I was putting them right side on”.
While Arya is sleeping on the plane, Sanj looking at her Teletubby mascot: “Which one is it? La-La? Tinky Winky?…
He sings the jingle from Teletubbies then half way through he reminisces, still holding the mascot in his hands: “When I was at school, I used to argue with my friend which one is the best Teletubby. He claimed the red one, I liked the yellow one. What was his name?”
O.K. I didn’t answer because I was still digesting his first words – the part “when I was at school” and thinking: “right, so like 7, 8 years old…
Sanj continued, oblivious of my calculations: “Some people at high school were dating girls, some were thinking which college to choose. I was debating about Teletubbies.
– High school?!!?!?!? – it is very likely the whole plane heard me.
It might seem irrelevant comment but it very much is super relevant: – love is a funny thing – it’s simply only:time and place in life. Nothing else. Time and place.
If Sanj’s and my paths ever crossed in high school I would probably never even know his name and Sanj would, very likely hate me or my face would, very likely be a type of a mean girl or an opposite of anyone who he would feel attracted to. It’s our childhood and teenage hood that drags all the sh** in the rest of our lives.
Time and place.
The Moodles dilute milk with water for Arya to not to drink too much of it. Tonight Arya, again, enjoying her milk shot before her goodnight sleep.
Sanj: Didn’t she drink too much milk today?
Me: We dilute it everyday and today, in total it’s her one full bottle.
Sanj: But shouldn’t she hold on to the bottle?
Me: Sanj, I really don’t mind that. We grown up constantly hold on to something, so why can’t babies and children if it creates positive feelings? Some people collect stamps, some people smoke, some people eat the same food for breakfast for 20 years…
Sanj: One guy at my school used to bring peanut butter jelly sandwich every day… No, wait. It was me… But this guy was bringing something. The same thing every day…
Yes, I’m sure it was something… And I’m sure it was “some guy”…
I was telling Sanj about Arya and my workday. Sanj -listening attentively, even starting a dialogue with me. Then, suddenly he walks out saying: “Hold on, I need to brush my teeth. Don’t change the channel”.
I literally was curious.
Sanj, with this “it’s obvious” voice: Because I’m buffering for the Walking Dead.
Me: Oh my god; I forgot all about the Walking Dead!!!!!
Sanj: Why do you think I’m sitting here with with you talking to you… I’m killing time…
Awhh, so romantic
Me: Can you see that my hair is grey?
[Earlier I sprayed my hair silver, just so]
Sanj: No. Why? Are you trying to be like me? A robot?
Me: Yes, I’m trying to get closer to you this way
Sanj: Can I have the cookie. Let’s have half half and we will both have quarter quarter?
Me, slowly, expecting explanation: Let’s have half half , quarter quarter????
Sanj: I changed my mind half way through.