Is it normal to be annoyed with your husbands so much that the punishment ideas just queue in your head. And not because or when your period is coming.
My mother used to put laxatives in his dinner the next day he came home too late (and basically had more fun out than her in stuck, with two hormonal teenage girls).
I literally had to use all my self-control powers today to not wipe my husband’s mug with Arya’s soiled wipe. And not for any particular reason. Basically for the whole 10 years of annoyance.
I’m a horrible wife but I promised nothing.
I haven’t been writing. I’ve been tired. More emotionally and mentally than physically.
I’m tired and apart from that – almost no access to my phone or a computer apart from work and when Arya falls asleep so not really able to keep the update. I fall asleep right after her. I love my baby with all my heart and I can’t bear being away from her just for my own pleasure or leasure although I so badly need it.
I haven’t been here for a while also because otherwise I would complain or ask for her and I don’t do that. I wish I did but I don’t want to sound like a whining woman (who my husband surely thinks I am)
Arya’s the only one I’ve got. She has been since she was born but with time more and more.
I can’t bear weekends because I feel so lonely. I can’t sit down with Arya at the table with a cup of tea and chat? I can’t have a man and woman nice evening together with a man telling me that I’m still pretty and that he would like to take me somewhere nice and then follow through. I can’t even speak about it to any of my very few friends because they’ve got their lives and I’m the strong one who can always cope and my life is not that bad afterwards. In fact it’s pretty good. I finally have my perfect family…
I can’t count on my family either. And in the moments like this I want to hide my face in my hands and burst out crying spasmatically.
Arya is my life. And I say it with tears of bliss; if not her I don’t know if I would be in flesh here and now. But I also am a woman, just a human. It’s all about balance but it never is.
Normally you don’t read posts like that in blogs which you expect to tackle only the essence of awesomeness. These are posts in those self-deprecating, pessimistic holes of the Internet. Well life is not an Instagram Profile. Definitely not mine.
I have no one. Literally no one around.
Sanj she is playing “Sisters of the Sun” from It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia.
Me: What is this song about?
Sanj: It’s just a made-up song.
This is just a tiny example of how my conversations with Sanj look like.
While Arya is sleeping on the plane, Sanj looking at her Teletubby mascot: “Which one is it? La-La? Tinky Winky?…
He sings the jingle from Teletubbies then half way through he reminisces, still holding the mascot in his hands: “When I was at school, I used to argue with my friend which one is the best Teletubby. He claimed the red one, I liked the yellow one. What was his name?”
O.K. I didn’t answer because I was still digesting his first words – the part “when I was at school” and thinking: “right, so like 7, 8 years old…
Sanj continued, oblivious of my calculations: “Some people at high school were dating girls, some were thinking which college to choose. I was debating about Teletubbies.
– High school?!!?!?!? – it is very likely the whole plane heard me.
It might seem irrelevant comment but it very much is super relevant: – love is a funny thing – it’s simply only:time and place in life. Nothing else. Time and place.
If Sanj’s and my paths ever crossed in high school I would probably never even know his name and Sanj would, very likely hate me or my face would, very likely be a type of a mean girl or an opposite of anyone who he would feel attracted to. It’s our childhood and teenage hood that drags all the sh** in the rest of our lives.
Time and place.
Sanj: Can I have the cookie. Let’s have half half and we will both have quarter quarter?
Me, slowly, expecting explanation: Let’s have half half , quarter quarter????
Sanj: I changed my mind half way through.